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| things i don't/didn't have the balls today to you or didn't really want to say were that i just wanted you to take your time on your decisions i just wanted you to really explore what you feel. i wanted you to think about what you really want and who you really want. i just wish things could have ended a bit different, and that i think we just had too much history to just let it end. i know what i want i just want you to take everything into consideration ( lol i didn't have the balls to say this to you because it was one of those things i didn't want to and it was one of those things i still had on my chest) i just want you to think just take a while and don't make a decision now. if i know you, you probably have your mind all made up i just like to say things you know that. you are probably the only... no you are the only girl i wanted to be with this bad and had my mind this set on being with. i don't really want to say its over until it really is. you know how i feel about you and its fine that you don't feel the same way back i guess all i can do is just be happy for you. i just want you to remember that i'm always here for you no matter what. even if we fight even if i say i hate you and i don't want to speak to you, you know i'm here for you. when i say things like that i never mean it even if i say i do lol. how strong i feel for you always over weighs how mad i can get at you. i wish i had done this sooner to when i stood more of a chance. but i'm just asking for one last chance. if you take it i promise i wont screw it up. i've always been hard headed you know that lol and i hate giving up. you know how i can be, and i just think we have too much history to let it all go. I just feel bad that I won't get to tell you how beautiful you look everyday, and if I could go back go back I would never let you go. if you concider it or think about it thank you. if you don't i wouldn't blame you i guess if you read this and get this far thanks for reading it. I love you and I will just know I'm here even if it doesn't seem like I am I just hope that we still hang out and not just in the backround of your life just
really think about it. And remember don't be a stranger call me sometime
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| do you remember about two years ago when we first met, i do. i remember thinking wow this girl is a weird one. After i got to know you we started to get close. i remember all the times you fought with rick and how mad i got and how i felt about you then. i can still remember the pain you were in when you called crying on the phone. after a while i started to develope feelings for you. i remember all the good times and the bad times and i wouldn't trade them for anything. because of all of our rough patches we always found our way back to each other because we enjoyed each others friendship. After all the nasty things i've said, and some of the things you've done i've come back. and then the greatest thing ever happened you said yes when i asked you out. god it was the greatest feeling in the world. i remember beacause i was looking at my phone the other day and i forgot to take off the even off of repeat on my phone. and on it, it said "The Greatest day ever :D!!!". i had a good chuckle. but even though we kept breaking up we always found our ways back to each other. i never liked the breaking up part but when we got back together it all being worth it. but now things are different. we broke up and thing changed. but we got over that in the summer and until the end of the summer things weren't that bad. then school started. this is where it got bad for me. you stopped paying attention to me. you stopped talking to me, and i did not exist anymore, not in your world anyways. you finally noticed after about three weeks. you said you were going to try to make things better but we know how that failed. and then after another week you said you would try again but again it ended in failure. what i'm saying is that you need to grow up. you need to start realizing that the things you do have consequences. i told you this before but you just don't listen if you end up losing your friends you'll have no one else to blame but your self. but then again you weren't too big on noticing things like that either. another thing that i've always told you was that if you're not going out with someone or interested in a person stop leading them on. idk whats going on in your little head or anything. but if theres nothing going on between you and alan you should really stop leading him on. one you're just going to make him fall harder and he wont stop being all over you. i understand that we're not together anymore but for some stupid reason i still feel over protective. idk sue me. it just pisses me off when he does that stuff. and if you are intersted then with the comments i've just made please keep it too yourself and not infront of me. you're a big girl now and you should know what you're doing and what the result of things are. you said you didn't like it when i wasn't speaking to you but really what the hell. if you are going to talk to me then talk to me and not just hi and at the first sight of alan block me out thats so rude. you didn't like it when i would just leave so think for once. use your head. you know how its not that hard. i told you i'll always be around you know how to find me how to reach me. if you really cherished what we had then try it for once. i don't want to be the dumbass that tries like i did all the time and then get everything spit back in my face. that really does hurt and i don't want to take more from you. i guess a big part of the reason that i'm writing this all out is i still feel something for you. i've thought it out and thought some more and more, but the only conclusion i've got is that i still have left over. looks like i never really learned to let go. you know how stuborn i was with that. but looks like i've got to. i know its hard but i know theres no point. at least not anymore. i'm done i've had to say pretty much everything i had to say. i'm just sorry it might have to end this way. like i said you're a big girl do what you think you have to but realize that the things you do have consequences and you have to live with it. i do miss about a year ago those were great times. | | |
| You've made some good points but there Is a difference between making room for new friends and replacing an old one, you want me to be your best friend but what you've done makes it so much harder for me to even trust you. You said you want me to try don't you remember what happened everytime I did. You shoved it all back in my face everytime. And with Jess and lizzie it's so different I don't even know why you always bring them up, they live in different towns and go to different schools. I don't even know why you think it's similar. I do miss the stuff we used to do but you are the person I trust least now. On the bus I really don't know why you sat next to me when you have alan there. You see even when I did try you did the same thing oh look alan bye. I'm not even exageraring and that's the sad thing. You don't like what I've been doing to you but why yours doing is twice as bad just remember that. I've read what you has to say but I still had something to say to you. You know my number and you have my screen name and you know how to reach me so when YOU can you can contact me. | | |
| part 2
this is in response to what i wrote earlier, when i wrote that i was pissed as hell, but after a few hours i cooled off, I'm not going to delete the other thing because i want you to read the things that you've done. one thing that helped me cool off is that now I'm watching made of honor(sounds so gay) but this movie made me remember about us. well part of it but that's besides the point. i miss hanging out with you and stuff because of all the dumb things we did and the way we always acted. i hate it when i write things when i'm pissed and i write stuff and then i cool off and have to write a response to the other one. anyways the things that i wrote in the other thing i pretty much meant but i mean this too, i do miss you and hanging out and all the fun things we did but i really don't want to be treated crappy like the other times, you have to change that because i don't want to go through the same stuff we went through last time. theres probably more that i have to say but right now i can't think of it so i'll remember later and say it then.
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| dear brendi sorry to have to say this but what ever we went through sucked but now i don't want to go through the same shit i went through anymore, i'm going to stop trying i'm going to stop going through all the heart break i hated it before and i hate it now. after the times you broke my heart i always found my way back to you but not this time, this time its different. i'm not going to try everything between me and you is pretty much dead. thats how i see it, if you want to keep trying fine have fun trying but i'm not going to let you back in easy, i realize i see you in school but it doesn't mean you'll get much of a reaction out of me, you aren't my good friend anymore, that stopped about six months ago. you don't treat me the same or talk to me the same anymore. idk if you've noticed but i sure have, you might not want to admit it but its true. you know who you're new friends are and you know who replaced me. what ever you say you know its true and i know its true. i'm not saying i wont miss the fun we've had but i'm done. i hated being treated like complete shit and i'm done with it. you say that i expect something out of you i don't, you expect something out of me. you say the same things all the time like when we broke up that its going to take time but in the summer we were fine, nothing was wrong, but when we started school it was just like we had broken up, you didn't pay attention to me you put me aside for your other friends i was just the extra guy in the back, and that hurt because then i realized i've been replaced and i'm done being your chew toy to toss aside when you want want to do anything, you've found new friends you and i both know it, it might be hard to admit but its true. this friendship pretty much ended when school started. you know why. | | |
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